Ocular Observer Pillows

'Good memory. Now turn around and let's try it again. I've put the chart on the opposite wall since your last visit.'

Oculist.

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"Why does this curious plant of his always make me feel gigantic?"

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

Squirrel Tapping On Window Demanding Food.

"I'm more of an 'I like to watch' dog."

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

"Look at that ant farm! I love the ants' little overalls!

Gone to seed.

'What day is trash pickup around here?'

'He's so fast he has to stop to clean the insects off his glasses.'

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

Go Back to New York

The Manipulation of Justice

Cat and Squirrel on Screen Door.

Space junk.

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

Impractical Gardener.

"Oh, man. Ha ha! The look on your face when that squirrel turned around and started chasing you!"

'Maybe it's one of those super-stations.'

First Contact

"It's 6 o'clock. Do you know what's trending now?"

"Miss Jones, get up here and change this eye chart, please!"

"I feel like Brunnhilde, but in 'The Kentucky Cycle.'"

"After I had my eyes lasered, the people down there stopped looking like ants. Plump, furry and delicious little rodents, yes, but not ants!"

Handicap Parking Only - Ticket Odds 4 to 1.

"Well, of course you feel like you are - We ARE all just going around in circles!"