Occasional Newsreader Gifts

Birders without borders.

Squeezing the Free Press.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

Man Reading Laptop.

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

2020 Swiss barmy knife

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

'Here's the name of my cosmetic brain surgeon. He make you look smarter.'

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

'Here's our business editor to talk s**t to us for five minutes'

'If elected, I promise to my darndest to keep money in politics.'

Today, tech stocks rose on news the latest gadgets avoided internet censorship by the Iranian government.'

"In a move sure to revolutionize the industry, Lincoln Middle School is using Halloween candy energy levels to offset costs in November, December and January."

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

Flake News

'War protestor': 'Oh no! Not this again...'

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

'Stocks are down. Bonds are down. Terrorism and natural disasters are up. Ask your doctor if medical marijuana is right for you...'

Try not to worry.

'I won't be reading the paper online today, so you can take my computer back to my office.'

'Stocks rose, then dropped on news that life is full of highs and lows.'

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."