Occasional Newsreader Pillows

Birders without borders.

Squeezing the Free Press.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

Man Reading Laptop.

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

2020 Swiss barmy knife

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

'Here's the name of my cosmetic brain surgeon. He make you look smarter.'

'If elected, I promise to my darndest to keep money in politics.'

Flake News

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

"In a move sure to revolutionize the industry, Lincoln Middle School is using Halloween candy energy levels to offset costs in November, December and January."

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

Today, tech stocks rose on news the latest gadgets avoided internet censorship by the Iranian government.'

'War protestor': 'Oh no! Not this again...'

'Here's our business editor to talk s**t to us for five minutes'

'Stocks are down. Bonds are down. Terrorism and natural disasters are up. Ask your doctor if medical marijuana is right for you...'

'Stocks rose, then dropped on news that life is full of highs and lows.'

Try not to worry.

'I won't be reading the paper online today, so you can take my computer back to my office.'

'We interrupt this Special Bulletin to give you an even more special bulletin!'

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."