Nut Cracker Connoisseur Gifts

Come on Darling: Surely, you don't need a sledgehammer to crack a nut...

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Look at that! Peanuts!'

"Trail mix?"

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

You are what you eat!

Boy whistling at crackers.

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'You reek of crackers.'

Future Wrestler

'So, that's how squirrels find their buried food?'

'A nutcracker? Admit it, Fred, you're getting old.'

"Serves you right...snacking before dinner."

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

"Nowadays, it's all about who you know, not what you know."

"Looks like you forgot to pack your lunch again Bob!"

'Dear father for what I am about to receive I give thee thanks.'

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

'Son, life is a mixed blessing, they eat the fancy nuts and toss us the peanuts.'

'Sticky nuts...' "Umm nice nuts but not as sticky as us buns!!"

'Popcorn? Sure. Would you like huge, mega, super-duper huge or gigundazillion multi multi really insanely huge?'

Want to hear a secret? Every time they put a nut in my mouth, I give it a little lick.

Nutcracker Desk Organizers

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

'Nuts, nuts, nothing but nuts!' When Squirrels Search Their Family Trees.

Mouse King

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

A parrot business meeting

Eat More Salted Nuts