Nursing Humor Gifts

'Do I need a pin number to make a withdrawal?'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'Time for your pills.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"I don't leave home without it!"

The importance of paying attention in med school.

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'Snap out of it.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'You need some stress.'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

Nurse holding giant pill tells patient, 'Relax. It's chewable.'

Doctor's poker.

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."