Nursing Comedy Fan Gifts

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

Medical Center.

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

"Whoops..."

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'Where does it hurt?'

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'I'm afraid we've removed your wooden leg by mistake.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

'The doctor is putting you on solids.'

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

"All of my visitors have to wear that get up. Apparently my humour is very infectious."

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

"I have some troubling news, Mr. Smithson. You're in my parking space."