Humorous Nursing Gifts

'We've noticed just about every patient you've tested has elevated blood pressure.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'Time for your pills.'

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

"I don't leave home without it!"

The importance of paying attention in med school.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'Snap out of it.'

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'You need some stress.'

Nurse holding giant pill tells patient, 'Relax. It's chewable.'

'I told you nothing was out of joint but your nose.'

Doctor's poker.

"I've heard that your medication can grow extra nipples, but I wouldn't worry about that if I were you..."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

Flu Drugs.

Flyingdoctor's receptionist.

Fish swimming around inside drip.

"... And who asked for your opinion, I'd like to know?!"

"It's a very rare disease - it doesn't have a cure. It doesn't even have a spokesperson."

'If a hacker steals all my information from my health records do they keep my health problems too?'