Nursing Satire Lover Gifts

'She's a nurse in the childrens' ward.'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

"I'm afraid you have a slow, painful, terminal disease, so I'm sending you to a hospital where you can catch a quicker one."

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

'Virus?' - 'Yes, it's a Latin word we doctors use, meaning I haven't got a clue..'

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."