Nursing Enthusiasts Gifts

"Do you need your pillow fluffed up?"

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'I'm knitting a scarf for my son.'

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

'Four years of medical school and three years of residency, and you come bothering me with the sniffles?'

NHS Efficiency Drive

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

'Let me though! - I'm a Doctor.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

'How am I ever going to be able to practice my first aid if you insist on using an electric razor?'

'She's seen a man wandering round in his underpants!'

Some people have their own methods of dealing with a shortage of nurses

'It'll be a disaster...you've no experience in Forward-facing reorganisation target setting prioritisation strategic planning.'

"Whose turn is it to be the patient?"

Sheep Knitting.

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'This get well card is from the nurses you have been complaining about.'

Florence Nightingale

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

MPIG: 'There that's better...'

The treatment is the same on the NHS...

Medical insurance reminder

'I figured out why we have six times as many babies in here as usual. Nine months ago was when the cable TV was out for five straight days.'

'Your father's decided to pause in his programme of reform.'

"I'm thinking of signing up for the postcode lottery."

DOH to encourage PCTs to set up walk-in centres.

The Bowling Family

You're doing flowers for a sweet 16 party? Whose is it? I can't say, sweetie. The details are secret. Anyway, I don't know who's invited. Tree's Tree Nursery. Awesome. My dad goes to hotter parties than I do. Mulch.