Nursing Enthusiasts Pillows

"Do you need your pillow fluffed up?"

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'I'm knitting a scarf for my son.'

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

'Four years of medical school and three years of residency, and you come bothering me with the sniffles?'

'Let me though! - I'm a Doctor.'

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

NHS Efficiency Drive

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Some people have their own methods of dealing with a shortage of nurses

'She's seen a man wandering round in his underpants!'

'How am I ever going to be able to practice my first aid if you insist on using an electric razor?'

Sheep Knitting.

"Whose turn is it to be the patient?"

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'It'll be a disaster...you've no experience in Forward-facing reorganisation target setting prioritisation strategic planning.'

'This get well card is from the nurses you have been complaining about.'

Florence Nightingale

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

MPIG: 'There that's better...'

The treatment is the same on the NHS...

"I'm thinking of signing up for the postcode lottery."

The Bowling Family

'Your father's decided to pause in his programme of reform.'

Medical insurance reminder

DOH to encourage PCTs to set up walk-in centres.