Nursery Nerd Gifts

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

Coping with a strong-willed child

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"Well, that one got away."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"They look so young and helpless."

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

Mother Goose Timeshare

"You know that moon was passed a minute ago?..."