Numbers Guru Gifts

"Is it my fault they can't be bothered to learn 19th century Persian in order to read it!"

"Of course - why didn't I think of that?"

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

'No,no,sir, you misunderstand! I'm with First Fidelity Trust and we want to lend you money!'

'I'm pleased to introduce our motivational speaker, who will urge us to dare to take the big chances with other people's money.'

"We have to make massive cuts so we can reduce debt... which will cut into growth which is needed so we can make massive cuts..."

Tariff Adjustment

Wars won VS Battles fought

"I'm not budgeted for optimism."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

The Life of Pi

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'I'm not too sure about that.'

'Maths is fun!'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Counting part time employees is the new math.

'Shouldn't we spend a little time on the ARTS?'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Gloat

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

Staff Yearbook

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."