Math Guru Gifts

'Shouldn't we spend a little time on the ARTS?'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'C'mon get it straight.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Uhhh... Houston, we have a problem.'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

The best financial decision I ever made.

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

A Major Refresher Course is in Order.

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

New Road Signs to Watch For:

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"My best managerial trait is that I dig for answers until I get them between my teeth. My worst trait is that sometimes I bury them."

A Day In The Kitchen

"I know it may be wrong, but it's how I feel."

"I'm teaching him to rollover my 401 (k)."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

'I'm not too sure about that.'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

'I have to agree -- the value of pie goes on indefinitely.'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'