Numbers Geek Gifts

"Now, don't overthink it."

'Unionizing is working great - production, sales, profits are way up! And our softball team is # one!'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

New Road Signs to Watch For:

'Maths is fun!'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Counting part time employees is the new math.

When Cells Divide

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Gloat

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

"Papi, will you play build-a-model-rocket-so-we-can-calculate-acceleration-rates-and-thrust-levels-for-maximum-payload with me? Please?!"

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

Staff Yearbook

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Mine's bigger than yours."

Warning: Math Ahead!