Number Nerd Gifts

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'That's it! That's the chart we've been looking for.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

'It's your other 0.5.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'Here, take my number. Of course it's 6.02 X 10^23. I'm frickin' Avogardo! Ha! Get it? It's my number!'

Consumption Graph.

'If you go on a diet and lose five pounds, only to gain ten the following month, how many infuriating godforsaken pounds do you weigh?'

"After years of painstaking research, I can finally reveal this equation. It proves conclusively that, I am a chick magnet!"

'Oh, Wow! You write math books? That's wonderful! Where do you get your ideas?'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Let's switch things up. Today you crunch the numbers and I'll count the beans."

"What do you mean it's wrong? In ethics we learned the truth is always subjective!"

"I'm a Schedule D kind of guy with a little Schedule E thrown in."

'I think your son shows aptitude for becoming a pollster. After each Math answer he writes 'plus or minus 10%.''

'Here we began seeing the glass half empty.'

Accountant working with computer program thinks to self: 'Let's just round this column off to the nearest nickel.' Caption: 'Rebel Accountant'

"For this year's financial picture, we've done away with graphs."

'Haven't you ever heard of statistical manipulation?'

'Algebra is like arithmetic, only X-rated.'

'Are you good with decimals? Our certificate of deposit is currently paying 0.025%.'

"Yo, this should be a two."

'Having conducted a comprehensive analysis of dozen of subsets of data from a wide range of sources we've confirmed that the likely answer is 36...now we just need to identify the question.'

'Mathematician's Rap.'

"Maybe you're taking my answer out of context."

'The jury wants to know which is more - bajillion or gazillion?'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Math Jokes

"I finally memorized my bug number."

Math Problems

'It's fuzzy math.'

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

Obvious problem

STRIP Hambone: This one's a great little number cruncher!