Number Nerds Gifts

"Brilliant mathematician. Teaching second grade. Dies suddenly from no apparent cause. Something just doesn't add up."

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

'Before I discuss the company's financial situation, anyone who doesn't want to see a grown man cry should leave the room.'

"He definitely loves auditing our treasures: He'll make a good accountant later on..."

There are three kinds of accountants...those who can count and those who can't!

Math Trash Talk: 'Well, your mama still counts on her fingers.'

'But, Mom -- you're always telling everyone to do the math.'

'Oh-oh they found out Ed works for the Internal revenue service.'

"I wasn't very interested in numbers 'til I discovered you could make money out of them."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

The Life of Pi

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Pi Ala Mode.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Gloat

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

"Well, I'm studying mathematics and I'm sure that's tougher than math."

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Staff Yearbook

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."