Numbers Nerd Gifts

Man confusing man using statistics.

"But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring!"

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"We need to investigate a stupidity cluster in accounting."

'This year we're in really great shape. Nobody understands our financial statement!'

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'Sorry, Mary, but my intuition has been telling me to avoid hunches altogether!'

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'I'm more unpopular now than I was at school.'

'Let's just round it off to two and go to lunch.'

Budget House of Cards

'You're getting warm Billy, very warm...!'

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

"We don't use the Congressional Budget Office. We have our own figures."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"So, the numbers don't add up. What if we multiply them?"

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"E. R., ACME Accounting: 11:57 P.M., April 14th"

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"That 'LOL' on the balance sheet stands for 'Lost Our Leverage'."

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

"We're parallel lines. We'll never make ends meet."

I was hoping they would be a little more obscene.

"But my multiplication is correct. . . I included inflation!"

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

'Fermat's Next-to-Last Theorem'

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

The IRS emptied my pouch.

Wall Street Red Ink.

Credit Crunch Test Dummy.

Debt black hole.

'But the short term view is very good.'

Economic Forecasting