Numerical Nerds Gifts

Prophets are up.

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Pi Ala Mode.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Gloat

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

"Well, I'm studying mathematics and I'm sure that's tougher than math."

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

Geeky looking guy looks at incomprehensible mathematical problem: 'And this equation proves beyond doubt that I have wasted my life.'

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Mine's bigger than yours."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

"Amazing deduction, Holmes!"

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

Pi fight!

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

The United States Public Debt.

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'