Number Guru Gifts

His investment advisor gave him a new mantra.

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'I'm not too sure about that.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'Maths is fun!'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Counting part time employees is the new math.

'Shouldn't we spend a little time on the ARTS?'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

Gloat

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

Staff Yearbook

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

-Great little number cruncher! -But lousy table manners.

Man rotates profit chart so it shows growth not loss.

'These computer repair people certainly take their jobs seriously.'

Warning: Math Ahead!