Nuance Navigator Gifts

'I'm afraid, Reverend, that what the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'

'Sounds like a great way to get hated by everybody!'

'The hostile takeover wasn't as bad as I'd imagined. They hired someone to supply nuance.'

Four Flavors of No

"Are these one-syllable words, 'Well' and 'actually'?"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

"FYI that the novocaine will numb the pain caused by the drill but won’t help with the pain caused by the overhead adult contemporary music."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

Number Phobia.

'I don't know - asceticism just doesn't seem like ENOUGH any more,'

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

"Sorry Capt., but it's a pretty bad termite infestation..."

'Yes, I know the Meaning of Life, but I've decided to franchise it!'

'Step one inexploring a newly discovered cave- wade thru the bat guano.'

Niche Marketing

'When the time comes, Goopta, I'd like to be bronzed.'

"Will thou not sayest 'Uncle'?"

"I'm the building inspector...that nest okay?"

"And would you like to continue paying no taxes at the 15, 10 or 20% rate?"

Things You Should Know About...

"Even though I've come this far, I'm still not sure which is the numerator and which is the denominator."

"He's in a critical condition"

"The map says to take a right at that planetary dumpster fire."

Late Night Buddha Call.

'That's right. I took all your money and didn't teach you a darn thing -- enlightening, isn't it?'