Nuance Navigator T-Shirts

'I'm afraid, Reverend, that what the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'

'Sounds like a great way to get hated by everybody!'

'The hostile takeover wasn't as bad as I'd imagined. They hired someone to supply nuance.'

Four Flavors of No

"Are these one-syllable words, 'Well' and 'actually'?"

The Life of Pi

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

"FYI that the novocaine will numb the pain caused by the drill but won’t help with the pain caused by the overhead adult contemporary music."

"Flowers are the sex organs of the gods."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

Number Phobia.

'I don't know - asceticism just doesn't seem like ENOUGH any more,'

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

"Sorry Capt., but it's a pretty bad termite infestation..."

'Yes, I know the Meaning of Life, but I've decided to franchise it!'

'Step one inexploring a newly discovered cave- wade thru the bat guano.'

Niche Marketing

'When the time comes, Goopta, I'd like to be bronzed.'

"And would you like to continue paying no taxes at the 15, 10 or 20% rate?"

"I'm the building inspector...that nest okay?"

"Even though I've come this far, I'm still not sure which is the numerator and which is the denominator."

Things You Should Know About...

"Will thou not sayest 'Uncle'?"

"He's in a critical condition"

"The map says to take a right at that planetary dumpster fire."