Novelty-seeking Novelist Gifts

"That may not be the best option for printing out your novel."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Victor Hugo

The DaVinci Code

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

Honoré de Balzac

Jean-Paul Sartre

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

John Bunyan

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

'What clan do you belong to?'

Crap from the future.

"So the white whale was really just a metaphor for your mother's lack of affection?"

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family