Notification Hater Gifts

"There is an easier an less expensive way to turn off those annoying notifications..."

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

Suggestions box in a toilet.

I hate sitting in traffic jams. - 'Move it! I need to get work.' - 'I hate sitting at my desk.' -

Telephone message - 'This is a recording. If you'd like to speak to a real live human being, forgetaboutit.

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

Confucius say: shut up.

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

"Opportunity came knocking once, but I missed it. I was expecting a tweet."

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

'We're looking for new, original thinkers...people who can think 'outside the box'...'

"Bill and I hate the same books."

"Ugh, it rings every time an angel gets his wings - how do I put it in silent mode?"

"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"

'Boy I love summer and the beach: So much bare skin to bite!'

Hiding From Social Media

One more question, Lance

"Hi. My name is Barry, and I check my E-mail two to three hundred times a day."

The hills were alive with the sound of midges

"Don't forget to empty the dish washer."

'Just like nature, I abhor a vacuum - especially when I'm working!'

Phone notifications which creep you out.

"I forgot to cancel the pizza leaflets..."

'If Miss Stabler had meant for me to read, she wouldn't have told me to have a nice summer.'

"I feel sh***y . . . yeah that didn't help."

'Look who just blew in from Bordeaux.'

"There were only two things about Bryan that I simply could not stand - his breathing and is chewing."

"Gawd, I hate these water hazards!!"

I haven't seen you look at your Me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives? It's not what you think. I'm still important. I still get alerts every few seconds that remind me and everyone around me that I have things going on. It's just that my phone's charging right now. I swear. Well, I'll help you out in the meantime ... Alert: Constant alerts don't make you a "somebody," you loser! Thanks. That helps.

"Am I a slave of social media? Nooo.....Just got to check this last message..."

"Here's the deal. I'll buy lots of stuff from you online if you stop sending me catalogs through the mail."

'Let me pop in and tell him first. He hates surprises.'

"I'm clearing all my offline notifications."

"This app is guaranteed to help you stop wasting time. It turns off all your social media accounts."