Notification Annihilator Gifts

"I'm clearing all my offline notifications."

Mind-Fullness

Nervous Oral Testing

Tonight: Wagner's Ring Tone Cycle.

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

The Communicator

"No you are not ok! Tell me what's wrong! You've been sitting for two minutes without checking your phone!"

Bomb disposal officer sits at desk near workboxes: IN/ ERT.

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

"Opportunity came knocking once, but I missed it. I was expecting a tweet."

"You got this! Your brain has a hundred billion neurons, with more links between them than there are stars in the Milky Way. Now, go out there and show those ants who's in charge!"

"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"

"Ugh, it rings every time an angel gets his wings - how do I put it in silent mode?"

Pandora's Inbox

"The minister has instructed us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets in the next 43 days." "Could we start with that one?"

One more question, Lance

It was … Beep. Unread text notification. It was … Yo, what up? It was the … Reading@tree. It was the … Beep. Facebook update notification. It was the best of … Beep, beep. New tweet. It was the best of times, it was the worst … Beep, beep, beep!!!

Hiding From Social Media

"I know, I know. I already got your text, your email, and that robocall on the home phone."

"I can't...I mustn't...I shouldn't...I needn't....but I will."

"Hi. My name is Barry, and I check my E-mail two to three hundred times a day."

Phone notifications which creep you out.

"Don't forget to empty the dish washer."

"Next time, don't let your anxieties build up ... "

'Wow! I've got one from someone I know!'

Accounts: Kill Bills.

Woman approaches a clock with a tick and flea killer.

"Come to think of it, I don't remember what you were upset about either."

"I feel sh***y . . . yeah that didn't help."

"Please, sir - I have to pay off my student loans!"

Ed, you have six new messages.

100% Effective Ad Blocking

I haven't seen you look at your Me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives? It's not what you think. I'm still important. I still get alerts every few seconds that remind me and everyone around me that I have things going on. It's just that my phone's charging right now. I swear. Well, I'll help you out in the meantime ... Alert: Constant alerts don't make you a "somebody," you loser! Thanks. That helps.

"We could have really used you last year, but it seems to be clearing up."

"Am I a slave of social media? Nooo.....Just got to check this last message..."