Notification Avoider Gifts

Hiding From Social Media

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Email Notifications

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

'I'm going to prescribe for you to stay away from the news on TV and all social media!'

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

"Opportunity came knocking once, but I missed it. I was expecting a tweet."

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

A caveman sleeps with a club labelled 'Snooze' whilst a beaten looking rooster stands by.

2016 Policlicks

The Occupy a Barstool Movement.

"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"

"Ugh, it rings every time an angel gets his wings - how do I put it in silent mode?"

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

"I envy you, not having any idea of what's going on these days."

'Never fails,,, The second we sit down for dinner,'

'I hope you don't want to leave a message - he hates messages.'

"Hi. My name is Barry, and I check my E-mail two to three hundred times a day."

'I hate networking.'

How to Tell when You're Asking for Directions from a NASCAR Fan: 'Make a left, then hang a left, take another left followed by a left...'

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"At last — no Trump."

"I only wish this was the final notice."

"Oh my God have you seen this sh-"

'The news on tv is SO depressing, I've decided to stop watching it.' 'Is that permitted?!'

"My insomnia is getting worse, doctor - I can't even sleep now when there is a party political programme on television."

Phone notifications which creep you out.

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."