Notarial Officer Gifts

"Maybe you should go home and get some rest. That's the third time today you'e notarized your tie."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Servicemen.

When laundry ruled the waves.

The Dubloon Stops Here

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Sailor in Car.

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'Sweet! Let's break it open and see what it is!'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

"Bailiff."

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

Newspaper suicide.

Ishmael's First Day on the Pequod was Full of Surprises: "A harpoon!? Don't you practice catch and release?"

"And you need to know this why?"

Subwoofer

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Kamikaze Colour

Free press.

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

COWMIKAZES