Notarial Officer Pillows

"Maybe you should go home and get some rest. That's the third time today you'e notarized your tie."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Servicemen.

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

When laundry ruled the waves.

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

The Dubloon Stops Here

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Sailor in Car.

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Sweet! Let's break it open and see what it is!'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

Wedding disaster #27.

"Bailiff."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

Ishmael's First Day on the Pequod was Full of Surprises: "A harpoon!? Don't you practice catch and release?"

Newspaper suicide.

"And you need to know this why?"

Subwoofer

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

Free press.

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Kamikaze Colour

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

COWMIKAZES

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.