Notary Work Pillows

"Signing in my presence isn't enough anymore. You have to sign while I'm in your personal space."

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

'The job calls for a little filing now and then...'

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

'To grow a good beard, have good dental habits. First, brush with a concave brush to clean the teeth's facial surfaces. Then use a convex brush to reach flat surfaces. Then use a scalloped brush to be chic. Then floss to clean between teeth. Then use ...

Cat and INOUT boxes.

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'I hope it's fixed soon. I miss the convenience and friendly beep.'

"I didn't get anything I asked for last year so I want your acceptance of this year's list to be notarized."

'Actually, we were hoping you could loan some money to us.'

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

"I have to be honest. I would really miss it if there were no more Saturday mail!"

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

Inuit post arriving by parachute.

'Miss Roberts, turn off the video camera!'

"He's a loose cannon with nothing left to lose, but he's the best damn file clerk I've ever seen."

Postman walking away from mailbox after putting mail in. Sounds of it eating can be heard.

Projecting Obama

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

"And what about last month, when I was UNDERdrawn?"

'If you only knew what your money costs us!'

'Hello - I've been parachuted in to save the bank.'

Remember to always brush your teeth!

File room: A subsidiary of the black hole of the universe

"She's always writing in that journal of hers. Maybe she'll be a notary public when she grows up."