Legal Officer Gifts

"Bailiff."

'I'm push come to shove. . .'

'These client crackers are as much fun as animal crackers were when I was a kid.'

Trial by Media

Hate Platforms

The Anti-Agent

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

America, are we learning anything?

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

The Circular Logic of Fascism

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

When Engineers Crack.

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Minority Report

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Privacy Conference Security

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

New York Corruption - Auditor Watson's Death, and Suspicions on Broadway Works Project