Court Officer Gifts

"The last thing you want to do while on the stand is pull a temper tantrum."

'Just because you're the lowest scum of the Earth, a complete misfit of society, a smalltime worthless punch, doesn't mean I won't give you a fairy trial.'

'We finally reached a verdict.'

'Divorces ‘R Us' is etched in stone on a courthouse.

'And why do you want to change your name to 'Stupid'?'

"My client would like to plead 'not guilty' to all three charges of damage to private property."

"Do you promise to tell the truth as generated by AI?"

"If the jury needs another day, they're using paper plates tomorrow."

"… and how did it make you feel when those officers called you the 'Perp'?"

'I want to report a hit and run.'

A convict escaping during the press scrum

'Here's another federal witness relocation.'

'Twenty years? -- the loot I hid won't be worth anything by then!'

With Television Justice For All.

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

'This illness Paris contracted must be contagious - everyone wants special treatment.'

Trial by Media

Hate Platforms

The Anti-Agent

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

America, are we learning anything?

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

The Circular Logic of Fascism

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

When Engineers Crack.

Minority Report

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

"Bailiff."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

Privacy Conference Security

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

A Little Extra

Slow Night

After the gun ban, the guys still liked to go out and horse around on weekends.