Court Commander Gifts

'You know you're doing your job right when both coaches are mad at you.'

"I'm sorry I called you boring."

Trial by Media

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Bailiff."

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

Infantry.

"We make crime pay."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

Yawning barristers in court

I love Basketball.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Arrogant junior barrister

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'