Courtroom Captain Gifts

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

Cease and Desist

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"We make crime pay."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

Justice 4 Ron

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'They named special prosecutors to investigate each other.'

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

Arrogant junior barrister

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Yeah? -- Well, there's a thin line between being a strict constructionist and being a stupid jerk!'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'