Courtroom Czar Gifts

"In my legal opinion, Mr. Humpty, you should avoid treating your cracks till after we sue the owner of the wall."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

"Bailiff."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

Planet of the Lawyers

"We make crime pay."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'They named special prosecutors to investigate each other.'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Justice 4 Ron

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

Arrogant junior barrister

"At least he's honest about it..."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."