Courtroom Correspondent Gifts

Supreme Court Vacancy.

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Now that's a win."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Bailiff."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in what sense?'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'I can hardly wait for someone to invent paper.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

Arrogant junior barrister

'Why is it always about me?'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

"Repeat after me..."

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."