Courtroom Correspondent Gifts

Supreme Court Vacancy.

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Now that's a win."

"Bailiff."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

The Jose Padilla Experience

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in what sense?'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'I can hardly wait for someone to invent paper.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Why is it always about me?'

Arrogant junior barrister

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

"Repeat after me..."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."