Courtroom Chronicler Gifts

"Your Honor, on the first ballot the jury voted ten to two for conviction. For three emotionally charged hours, we discussed our points of difference. On the next ballot, it was seven to five for acquittal. Over the next several ballots, the vote seesawed back and forth. One juror became ill and was replaced by an alternate. By now, we had been in session for ten hours straight. Tempers were rising and some jurors were near the breaking point."

Seven years in jail is enough time to write a book about it.

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"Now that's a win."

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

Planet of the Lawyers

The Jose Padilla Experience

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in what sense?'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'I can hardly wait for someone to invent paper.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Why is it always about me?'

"At least he's honest about it..."

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."