Courtroom Chronicler Gifts

"Your Honor, on the first ballot the jury voted ten to two for conviction. For three emotionally charged hours, we discussed our points of difference. On the next ballot, it was seven to five for acquittal. Over the next several ballots, the vote seesawed back and forth. One juror became ill and was replaced by an alternate. By now, we had been in session for ten hours straight. Tempers were rising and some jurors were near the breaking point."

Seven years in jail is enough time to write a book about it.

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"Now that's a win."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

Planet of the Lawyers

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in what sense?'

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'I can hardly wait for someone to invent paper.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Why is it always about me?'

"At least he's honest about it..."

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Repeat after me..."

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"