Courtroom Captain T-Shirts

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

Cease and Desist

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"We make crime pay."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

Justice 4 Ron

'They named special prosecutors to investigate each other.'

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

Arrogant junior barrister

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Yeah? -- Well, there's a thin line between being a strict constructionist and being a stupid jerk!'