Courtroom Commander T-Shirts

"A pod of attorneys to see you, sir!"

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Son, your grandfather was the first lawyer on this case and some day it will be your case.'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

Cometh the billable hour, cometh the lawyer.

'Don't mention Law & Order.. I'm all Law.'

'My Dad doesn't have to beat up your Dad... my Dad is a lawyer.'

'I'll be in the lobby.. looking for someone to sue.'

"My mistake was bringing a lawyer to settle the terms of my employment contract. They hired the lawyer instead!"

"We make crime pay."

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"As your attorney, I presume you're innocent until you can't pay my fee."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

"Bailiff."

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Arrogant junior barrister

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."