Nostalgic Paper-lover Gifts

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

Two Generations of Readers

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'Peter Rabbit and his sisters, Floppy Disc and Mopsy.'

Print Suicide

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

Bookshop: Closed, Coming Soon Here Internet Cafe.

Cinderella mopping up

"The record player is skipping again."

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

'My advice; forget the elephant in the room - focus on the Quad Demy.'

My mom says this story is a "real page turner." I have no idea what she means by that.

Bib's E-Book Readers.

"I thought you might like to hear how my love-making sounded when I was a younger man."

"Click on 'new book smell'."

Online articles are fine, but I miss being annoyed by the fragrance sample cards in print magazines.

'I used to be somebody. . . I used to be a contender. . .'

Newspapers discussing how they are made from recycled paper.

They met at a Book Club.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

No assembly required.

"It's a cellphone and video game alternative called reading."

'I don't need to check, sir, I'm positive we don't have any pop-up books for kids.'

"Did you bring a duplicate copy of your 'Times' obit with you?"

"I kind of miss that morning newspaper you used to hold in front of your face."

"Triple espresso." "Forget it, Uncle Mort." "Let's face facts: You're not as young as you used to be. Too much caffeine can literally kill you." "Poppycock! Do you know who you're talking to?" "When we stormed across Europe under Patton, my tank battalion got stuck in the mud during a torrential downpour. Arty Lang switched my canteen full of rainwater with one full of tank gas. So I replaced his tank's timing belt with tree bark and dental floss." "That big galute and I were always pr

"Who says no one writes letters anymore?"

'All right, pal, that's enough! Are you gonna pay for the paper or not?'

'I'm glad I'm past the adorable stage. That was a lot of pressure!'

'Don't worry about communications being offline ... we kept on Old Stoney from the Pony Express.'

"Polishing my mouse just doesn't have the same calming effect as sharpening my pencil."

Alice Through the Looking Glass - Tweedledum Tears at his Hair.

'Robinson Crusoe discovers Friday's mobile'