Paper Nostalgist Gifts

'I still say it was a big mistake for our office to go paperless.'

'Not everybody is adjusting well to the idea of a paperless office!'

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

The Paper Route

"I'll never forget you."

The Last Non E-Book In The World.

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

If you give a mouse a french cookie

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

"It's a sad state of affairs when Lever House begins to seem like a warm old friend."

'You said you wanted to start reading the newspaper online.'

"Times were hard for old Sid....He had to get a part-time job!"

"Sure I'm impressed...but it's three weeks old."

"Sure, e-mail is faster . . . but I miss biting the mailman!"

'Rorschach multiple-choice test'

'I miss fighting who gets the front page of the paper first.'

Santa delivering newspapers

Oh, the pager's flashing and vibrating - looks like our barstools are ready.

Did you see our favorite comic strip today. The oldy Oldersons. Lemme see! Jebediah Drake's The Oldersons by Abner Drake, Jr. Oldena, you know, I can never tell the difference between pastrami and corned beef. Don't be so rye. Hilarious! But you know what bothers me? It's only in 95% of newspapers. Some papers are replacing it with new strips. What?! Mobilize the troops! The most powerful political group in America: AARC. The American Association of Retired Cartoon Readers. Give us Oldy or give

Conrad Black: 'Let us cross into Canada immediately! The Florida climate is killing my wife.'

"Since he retired he misses his meetings."

'Master corrected me with a newspaper... the Sunday Edition.'

"See Dick text. Text, Dick. Text."

'Thanks, boy. But I'm reading the paper off-line today.'

"Sorry, but nobody around here reads anymore."

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

In the Year 2525

The Too-Much Information Age: 'Sure I've googled myself, not that it's any of your business...I mean who hasn't? But that's not what it was called when I was a kid...'

'So, the paper's a little messed-up after I've been reading it ... big deal!'

'I haven't gained much weight...I'll bet I can still fit into the pants I wore in high school...'

'He was doing such a good job bringing in the paper, I decided to get him a paper route!'

I'm worried about your circulation, Mr. Fusco. Frankly, doc, I've been worried about it ever since we got dropped by the New York Daily News.

Comparative Review of the New York Post and its App

"These days, I suppose it doesn't matter whether you've read Thomas Mann or not."