Nose Health Gifts

Neti Potheads

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"Pollyanna, your teeth are shot. Stop sugar coating everything!"

Oct. 1982: Researchers attempt an ill-fated procedure in great white shark oral hygiene.

No Cavity Club/No New Gum Receding Club

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Dentist's Office: 'I know that $3,280 hurt you more than it did me, Dad.'

'Did you use mouthwash this morning?'

'To grow a good beard, have good dental habits. First, brush with a concave brush to clean the teeth's facial surfaces. Then use a convex brush to reach flat surfaces. Then use a scalloped brush to be chic. Then floss to clean between teeth. Then use ...

You have the worst spring breath.

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

Car wash / Mouth wash

"Yes, use an electric toothbrush but you still have to floss."

"Phew! Your breath. What have you been eating?"

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

Floss Street Vendor

Dentist Training School.

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

"You always said nothing would ever come between us."

'I've got another loose tooth - It's not your cooking is it mum?'

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

'I'm so glad to hear that your teeth are falling out too, Manfred - I thought it was my mom's cooking!'

"And if your teeth could hear you, Larry, what would you say to them?"

'I'm going to throw out my old toothbrush and get a new one.'

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

'That's my husband, Brad. He's a dentist.'

'You're not supposed to use 'dental floss' on dentures!'

After her laser surgery, Alice was able to read barcodes without an optical scanner.

'I don't like the mediciney taste of this mouthwash either. I hate that taste of eyes of newt and turtle brains first thing in the morning.'

"Damn these super powers!"

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'