Nose Injury Recovery Gifts

"Remember, Nanook, no kissing for a couple of days."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Barbeque Casualty.

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

No caption

Big slipper.

'I tried it at home...'

"Just badly sprained thank goodness... I was so scared it might be broken..."

"Any improvement since I brought the balloon?"

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

"I hope your cast is not itchy, Stacy. I had an itchy cast on my arm once and it itched ALL the time. It felt like crawling ants! Itchy, itchy, itchy..."

'My knee's in rehab. This one's a loaner.'

'So, tell me once more how climbing trees is healthier than playing computer games.'

"You've become very predictable, Jack - home every night!"

"The good news is the frustration of filling out all this paperwork will keep your mind off your pain."

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

'Talking to John always raises my self esteem. He's such a great listener!'

'Bad news. Your arm is too injured to hold up those sneakers you endorse on TV.'

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

Maternity nurse presenting newborn baby with big nose to father with big nose.

'Does that mean no sex tonight?'

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

'Don't worry, Kyle. You're gonna be ok. The athletic trainer will tape you up and get you back on the field in no time.'

'I'm saying I want to share your pain you selfish bastard.'

"Reduce my ears? No, I want to make my nose bigger!"

'It's lucky for you your legs are O.K.!'

'Little Tommy took the cap off the sauce bottle when he got home from school in the end.'

"I never would've encouraged you to step out of your comfort zone if I'd known you were such a klutz."

Help For A Hero

New You Plastic Surgery. That's right, doctor, I gave her the bill and her nose went right out of joint again.