Nose Job Newbie Gifts

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

'I thought I knew what a cubit was.'

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up.

"Sorry Capt., but it's a pretty bad termite infestation..."

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

Lifesaver for Captain and his Teddy

"Reduce my ears? No, I want to make my nose bigger!"

'That should do it. We'll see you in six months for your next cleaning.'

Plastic Surgeon Kid

"Your sailing skills are improving but you need more work on the 'drop anchor' part."

'See what happens when you bite your nails.'

Sharing Interests. Husband has taken up knitting.

'Hereafter you sew your own buttons on your suits of armor. This is the tenth needle I've ruined tonight.'

"You may well have been here first but it doesn't work like that."

'I think we should look into a smaller hammer and bigger nails for your next do-it-yourself project'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

Pinocchio finally takes the plunge.

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

Man: 'Could you do something about these glasses? They keep slipping down the bridge of my nose.'

Man following advice on preventing sea-sickness but becoming sea-sick anyway

"Oops."

"Yes, we need someone to test a run of facial tissue. What makes you qualified?"

Man raised flag of drowning women.

The neames of hardware items are often hard to remember...'I'm looking for a box of metallic pins about 1 inch long and with a pointed tip with a sort of circular surface?' 'Nails! Aisle 2B'

"Mr Sinclair, rhinoplastry is an art. Our first step is to spend some time on the grindstone."

Lady regarding man exiting 'Rhinoplasty' room: 'I don't know. I think the sign is abundantly clear.'

'Now that's what I call a Roman nose!'

Deviated Septum

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling

"It's a beginner's sewing kit I put together for you. There's scissors, needles, bandaids, gauze, antiseptic. . ."

Neti Potheads