Needle Novice Gifts

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

Needle work for beginners.

"It's a beginner's sewing kit I put together for you. There's scissors, needles, bandaids, gauze, antiseptic. . ."

'I've been knitting since I was ten. . . and never learnt how? To cast off?'

Today we learned to count to one.

"Sorry, but I don't know how to tie a Reef Knot. Give me a simple project, like building a computer."

Knit One, Pearl One, Drop One.

I love embroidery

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

Brad Pitt.

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

"Sure. I know of a haystack on the edge of town where you'll be safe until the heat dies down."

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

"Triple whammy."

Acupuncture clinic

'Aside from your plastic canvas projects, what else have you been doing since you retired?'

Nurse playing darts with syringes.

'Maybe we could put our knitting down until the examination is over.'

'And you all thought I didn't have a hobby.'

Pin Cushion to roll of cotton: 'Hi! I'm a pin cushion! I love my job!' Pin Cushion's reply: 'MASOCHIST!'

"I try not to be picky, but this meal is a bit too sticky!"

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

Carole Jean's First "Big Girl" Heels

Acupressure Gauge

'Don't tell anybody, I'm expecting a doll.'

Pandemic Orphans

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

"How may I hurt you?"

'Exactly which school of acupuncture are you from?'

Acupunture Clinic opens next to a Ballon Animal shop.

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

Be polite to your acupuncturist at all times. A basic life lesson hard learned.

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

"I've discovered I don't have a head for figures."