Nonchalant Philosopher Gifts

'Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"I should've never studied canon law."

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

The Three Kinds of People

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'...Sometimes the sheer monotony of it all just gets me down.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"I don't believe in egrets."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Stephen Fry.