Nonchalant Philosopher Gifts

'Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

The Three Kinds of People

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'...Sometimes the sheer monotony of it all just gets me down.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I don't believe in egrets."

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

Stephen Fry.

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'