Nonchalant Fan Gifts

'Well, I don't know much about sport, but I know what I like.'

Currently Boston

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

'Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'You have the right to remain silent. . .'

A heat wave threatens an old woman.

'You can't just nod. You have to say, I do. Good Lord. Are all mimes this annoying, or is it just you?'

"Just how powerful of a fan did you put in your computer?"

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

'So, Henry. Just exactly how 'controversial' was that call you made in tonight's game?'

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

"I've learned not to worry."

"What is it about an unfavorable soccer outcome that makes me want to wreak immediate havoc in the streets?"

Heat Wave Podium

'This court hereby sentences you to fifteen months in an imaginary box.'

"Now that I've installed two extra fans, my laptop doesn't overheat anymore..."

'Is something wrong Kevin... we don't talk anymore!'

'I stay out of the sun and use a fan: That way, I don't need to roll in the mud to keep cool...'

Marriage counselor to the mimes: 'Let me know if I'm close- you're sad, 'cause she feels trapped in this marriage...?'

'He communicates his mood through his shoes.'

Inventions

'What'd I miss?'

Very little fan fair.

"This is a great place for someone with Tourette's - you come here, you're just like everyone else."

"Alcoholic? The way you say it, you make it sound like an insult."

"Hmm... why isn't he our goalkeeper..?"

"Olympics? It's the first I've heard of the Olympics being on."

"Sure, Liz, come on up for a drink! And don't mind the place—it's a bit of a crime scene right now."

"Have you ever considered switching to an environmentally friendly cloth bag?"