Nocturnal Nibbler Pillows

"That couple behind me seem happy enough. Laughing, bantering. Probably holding hands. Not a care in the world. I hate them. The waitress is cute. No eye contact however. And the coffee is cold. She hates me."

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

'Your night writing book, madam.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Pull and all nighter...

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'Ok, so you smelled gas and then you ... wait a minute! You're a family of opossums?'

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

My boat

"Do you want the rest of this mouse? It tastes gamey to me."

Stormy Night

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

'"Silent killer'?! That's your nickname? That's so cool Dad!"

"Look—there it goes again!"

Foodie Bank

"Jeff! Have you been sleepwalking again?!"

Exercise for the end of the day...

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

'Insomniacs Anonymous. Next meeting 3am,Tues.'

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

Man eating 'after work mints'

"Why does she wait until I'm sleeping to knock the pencil around the apartment?"

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases