Nervous Nibbler Pillows

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

Worry tank

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Sorry, sweetie, but I have the conference room booked for the next hour."

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"I don't interview well."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

My boat

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

"I envy you. I'd love to have a house with a fireplace."

'It looks like someone tried to pronounce 'Rorschach' with a mouthful of soup.'

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

Foodie Bank

"To bat that stupid rolled-up sock around all morning or not to bat the stupid sock around, that is the question."

'You could work at any fortune 500 company... Why have you applied at our little shop?'

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

Teacher to student with spots: 'Tests make you nervous and break out in what?'

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

'Second childhood menu, please!'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

'Jenkins, you could be a great salesman if only you'd stop barking at customers and nibbling the furniture.'

Man eating 'after work mints'

'She went down 80 years ago, and there's still a line to get to the wine bar.'

If you give a mouse a French cookie

Book Burp

"It's okay, It's a shhhushhh...kebab"

"I miss indoor dining"