Nature Nibbler Pillows

"Excuse me, is this fruit genetically modified?"

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

My boat

'I guess we both enjoy long slow walks together.'

"Come on, just try it."

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

"I envy you. I'd love to have a house with a fireplace."

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

"To bat that stupid rolled-up sock around all morning or not to bat the stupid sock around, that is the question."

Foodie Bank

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

Man eating 'after work mints'

"Man, I love roughing it out here... but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

'Jenkins, you could be a great salesman if only you'd stop barking at customers and nibbling the furniture.'

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

"It's really freaking me out!! Every time I go for a walk I hear footsteps behind me. I stop, they stop, I turn around..."

A turtle takes a bath.

'Second childhood menu, please!'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

'She went down 80 years ago, and there's still a line to get to the wine bar.'

"It's okay, It's a shhhushhh...kebab"

If you give a mouse a French cookie

Book Burp

"I miss indoor dining"

Pale Watery