Nature Nibbler Mugs

"Excuse me, is this fruit genetically modified?"

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

My boat

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

'I guess we both enjoy long slow walks together.'

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

"Come on, just try it."

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

"I envy you. I'd love to have a house with a fireplace."

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

Foodie Bank

"To bat that stupid rolled-up sock around all morning or not to bat the stupid sock around, that is the question."

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

Man eating 'after work mints'

'Jenkins, you could be a great salesman if only you'd stop barking at customers and nibbling the furniture.'

"Man, I love roughing it out here... but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

'Second childhood menu, please!'

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

"It's really freaking me out!! Every time I go for a walk I hear footsteps behind me. I stop, they stop, I turn around..."

A turtle takes a bath.

If I don't, he'll just wander off.

'She went down 80 years ago, and there's still a line to get to the wine bar.'

Book Burp

"It's okay, It's a shhhushhh...kebab"

"I miss indoor dining"