Neuro-nibbler Pillows

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Sorry, sweetie, but I have the conference room booked for the next hour."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

My boat

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

'It looks like someone tried to pronounce 'Rorschach' with a mouthful of soup.'

"To bat that stupid rolled-up sock around all morning or not to bat the stupid sock around, that is the question."

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

Foodie Bank

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

'Second childhood menu, please!'

Man eating 'after work mints'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

'Jenkins, you could be a great salesman if only you'd stop barking at customers and nibbling the furniture.'

'She went down 80 years ago, and there's still a line to get to the wine bar.'

"It's okay, It's a shhhushhh...kebab"

If you give a mouse a French cookie

Book Burp

"I miss indoor dining"

Pale Watery

State University Research Lab into the Jitters and HebbieJeebies.

'I miss our old fashioned candlelight dinners.'

"Excuse me, is this fruit genetically modified?"

"My problem has always been an overabundance of alpha waves."

'Dashed if I know who they are, either, m'lord!'